As I rode my bicycle through the Tenderloin the other day, I had a familiar feeling of sadness about people living on the streets and suffering. It is not a new thing, but it triggered a reflection on my personal ledger and how I live my life with as much joy, gratitude and kindness as possible. It brought up feelings of inadequacy and guilt about a variety of issues. Why am I not doing more to help people in need; more to save the environment and the glory of nature?
Sometimes I feel paralyzed and stuck. I feel astounded at my good fortune in having the nice life that I have, but I carry with me suffering both from my own trivial trauma and the meta trauma of my community and the world at large. “Carry it lightly” a friend once said.
What I have realized is that I am no good to anyone or anything unless I can reconcile my own humanity and carry forward that reconciliation to every interaction, every effort, every thought, every action and my awareness of being. The suffering that we observe and the suffering we experience are not likely to decrease. If anything, the world will continue to get more chaotic and suffering will seem to get worse. But there are ways to experience it all with a sublime ease and even joy of existence during these remarkable times.
Sometimes I imagine the experience of a monk who set himself on fire in protest of an unjust government. Is that the kind of martyr mindset we need to develop as catastrophe looms? Whoa, I hope not. But if we take an honest look at the state of the world, we are increasingly forced to reconcile what seems irreconcilable. The injustices, the environmental collapse, the crush of humanity living in poverty and desolation – it’s overwhelming. I ask myself: How do you reconcile this stuff?
For me, it comes down to a twice-weekly yoga practice and daily meditation. But it’s not easy. Lately, my meditations have included techniques that were developed for soldiers with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from a book by Richard C. Miller, PhD*.
The first three of these techniques are helpful to jump-start reconciliation of my humanity.
Affirm your Heartfelt Mission. This, according to Dr. Miller, is “the energy of life within you that gives rise to and sustains your inner felt sense of purpose, meaning and value.” In the book, he outlines daily practices that will help affirm a heartfelt mission. For many of us, the heart of our lives is our children, our partners and the people we love. Love. Care. Nurture.
Affirm your Intention. “Like a compass,” Dr. Miller writes “intentions keep you on course so that you can accomplish your heartfelt mission.” They can be as specific as “I will stop smoking” or as general as I will be a good parent. Intentions act like the banks of a river on which you are floating and keep you going with the intended flow of your life. You can let go, and allow the current to take you downstream, but you should do so with the joy and ease that come from your heartfelt mission.
Affirm your Inner Resource. Dr. Miller writes that your inner resource is “designed to empower you to feel in control of and at ease with every experience you have during your life.” It is a place of refuge. By integrating the tools in this practice, you will find your inner resource is a constant well from which you can draw feelings of being grounded and secure.
Feeling in control of your life is an illusion, but feeling in control of how you experience your life is a powerful way to reconcile your humanity. Life brings with it all sorts of challenges and suffering. It also reveals, in every moment, great beauty and mystery.
Much like reconciling your checkbook (who does that anymore?), reconciling your humanity is a regular exercise. If you keep on top of it, you don’t experience as many unpleasant surprises (like bounced checks and notices of insufficient funds). Your humanity is an abundant and infinitely sufficient resource, but it needs tending and reconciliation to stay resilient and strong.
* The Book: The iRest Program for Healing PTSD; Richard C. Miller, PhD; 2015; New Harbinger Publications, Inc. www.newharbinger.com